Proud of You

I don’t really have a lesson for you...I just have to tell you how proud I am of you Ellie. This weekend we went to Old Chicago for dinner. It was not that long ago that we couldn’t take you out to eat because you would cry and cry....We had a wonderful dinner with you. You said “please and thank you” to our waitress....said “pass” when you wanted some food on the table and said “scuse pease” when you were finished. Then sat nicely and colored until we were done eating. You are turning into such an amazing little girl. You already care about others so much....especially animals. You LOVE having fun...playing chase and running around. I look at how happy you are at this age and I pray that you can be this happy and find the little things in life as enjoyable as you do now.

I’m so proud of you honey and don’t ever forget that. LOVE YOU more than you'll ever know!

Attempting to Fit In...

This post is meant for when you are 12.  The hardest battle you’re ever going to fight is the battle to be you, just the way you are in this moment. We cannot find ourselves if we are always searching for, or morphing into, someone else. In this crazy world that’s trying to make you like everyone else, find the courage to keep being your awesome self. Be your own kind of beautiful right now, in the way only you know how.

Right now you know exactly who you are.  And you are 2 years old.  You know when you are hungry, when you are in trouble, when you are tired, what you want to do and how you want to do it.  It really is so beautiful.  You never think about what others think about what you are doing.  You do what you want when you want to (unless mommy or daddy say otherwise).

I wish I could live more like this. I have gotten better but continue to struggle with this one.  The truth is we get wrapped up in being concerned with what others and what the world thinks about what we are doing and how we are doing it.

It's amazing to see you play with other kids.  You are so confident and fearless. If you want to swing you go and swing.  If you want to wear a purple shirt with bright pink pants....well that is what you wear.

When you are older and comparing yourself to others...whether it be looks, grades, accomplishments etc...just remember God made you exactly how you are supposed to be.  Go with your instincts and never look back.

For now I am learning from you on how to do exactly what you want to do while still being compassionate and not self centered :)  It is a balance to find but one that is rewarding if you do.

For now enjoy every second of playing on your playground the way you want to.

Accepting Criticism

I believe learning to accept constructive criticism is such an important part in growing as a person.  With being a dancer and now coaching, it was ingrained in me how important it is to not take constructive criticism personally, but to take the advice and grow with it.  This took me a long time to learn and I am still learning it.  In my professional life I now see how some (women especially) take criticism so personally.  This knee jerk response, to any type of suggestion, inhibits them from doing better work and possibly even becoming a better person.  It is easy to keep blinders on and believe that your way is the right way ( I often like to believe this) but  never forget it most likely isn't the only way.  A beautiful thing about the world we live in is that we are all made differently.  God made it that way for a reason.  Opening yourself up for suggestions or criticism isn't always easy, but it is essential for growth.  I find the more centered and confident I am with myself and my life, the more open I am to peoples suggestions and thoughts.  If you know your beliefs and values, it is easier to listen to someone else's perspective and opinions.  Always take time to reflect on how you can become a better you and what that path looks like and feels like to get there.  Love you Miss Ellie....XOXO

To bear defeat with dignity, to accept criticism with poise, to receive honors with humility -- these are marks of maturity and graciousness.”

Love, Mommy

It's ok to cry...

It was a sad weekend at our house.  We had to send one of your best friends to kitty heaven on Friday.  Gussy had been sick for a long time and it we new it was time to let him move on to a better place.  Daddy took you upstairs to say goodbye to him.  You gave him a looonnnnggg hug and kiss...it's like you knew you were saying goodbye.  Then yesterday, you were asking about him and we said "Elliana remember gussy had to go buh bye."  You looked at us and it registered.  You put your hands up to your eyes and cried hard.  We sat on the couch as a family for about 15 minutes why you laid on daddy's chest and cried.  You knew Gus was gone.  You couldn't fully understand, but you knew.  You can hardly put a sentance together and can't sing your ABC's yet, but you already have so much compassion and love for others, especially your animals.  I was so proud of how you handled this.  You let yourself cry in a way we knew you were mourning him.  There are times where you won't always be happy, and that perfectly ok. 
When you lose a pet, or someone close, it helps me focus on what is important in life and to make every second count.  Sometimes the hard things in life help make the good things brighter.

Thank you Gus for always being so patient, loving and kind with Elliana. We will sure miss you.

Your Best Friend

There is no doubt Charlie Brown is your best friend.  You ask for him almost right when you get up and when you are going to bed.  He is your resting place when you are relaxing and your play buddy when you want to play.  He is always there for you....no matter what....no matter how tired he is (or annoyed :).  He is loyal...always happy to see you...compassionate....and so patient.  There are so many aspects about Charlie Brown that we could all learn from.  Today is his 5th birthday.

  There are many days where he is just in the background of life.  Always there, always faithful and always ready to give everyone a kiss.  His constant love and affection is often taken for granted.  Everyone that meets him says "he is so big!!"  All I can think of is that God made him that big, because he is so full of love.  He is part of the family, and your best friend.  I don't know if he will ever know how much you love him, or if you will remember your first best friend, when you are older.  But for now, we are so grateful to have him in our lives.  I think he is the first thing you truly loved (besides your dad and I :).  The saying "All Dogs go to Heaven" has to be true because he hold every positive attribute that every human being should strive to be.

Happy 5th Birthday Char, We love you.

I talk to him when I'm lonesome like; and I'm sure he understands.  When he looks at me so attentively, and gently licks my hands; then he rubs his nose on my tailored clothes, but I never say naught thereat.  For the good Lord knows I can buy more clothes, but never a friend like that.  ~W. Dayton Wedgefarth

Sunshine Delivered Daily

Every day has sunshine in it...it's if you chose to recognize it, depends on if you see it's rays.

Here is a list of 25 random and in no particular order of things that make me happy:

1. Family and Friends.

2. Fresh cut flowers on the table.

3. The smell of fresh brewed coffee.

4. An organized closet.

5. Getting a good deal.

6. Not just drinking a glass of wine, but holding it, in my hand. The same goes for coffee and a mug.

7. The sound of rain.

8. The smell of laundry.

9. Frank Sinatra music.

10. Reading old love letters.

11. Rocking you before you go to bed and after you wake up.

12. A dinner that comes together at the last minute, and is delicious.

13. Sidewalk chalk- It's cheap and keeps you busy for a very long time.

14. The feel of clean sheets.

15. Disney World.

16. Pretty wrapped gifts.

17. Watching an amazing dancer dance.

18. Watching a dancer gain confidence and improve.

19. Really good cheese.

20. Pancakes on a weekend morning.

21. Sleeping in.

22. Charlie Brown.

23. A good sermon.

24. A great run.

25. Bubble Baths.

Just reading this list makes me smile. Make your own list and focus on that!

"Anyone's life truly lived consists of work, sunshine, exercise, soap, plenty of fresh air, and a happy contented spirit. "

Tiny Wings

Life is one big balancing ball. Some stay on easily, some waver, and some continually fall off. I think the best life lived, has a little bit of all three.

I have LOVED staying home with you every day for the last 17 months Miss Ellie. I have gotten to see every milestone, fall, giggle, boo boo and smile this last year and a half. At times, it was exhausting, lonesome, and frustrating, but the thought that I have got to kiss you before every nap and catch you each time you fell, has made it all worth it.

The last couple months, I have realized something. You are starting to grow a pair of tiny wings. You are turning into a little girl. You now like to sometimes play on your own, help around the house and have your own opinions. As I see you turning into this little person, I realized I wasn't wanting you to grow up. You growing up (even though you are still a baby) meant that you already are starting to spread your wings. Even though those wings are quite tiny, they are beginning to sprout, and I need to nurture those wings as they begin to grow.

Succinct with those thoughts, was the pulling desire to return to work part time. I am passionate about what I do, and the difference I can make, in the Public Health Field. I said to myself, if I can find a part time job in Public Health and find the PERFECT place for you to start your journey of some independence and growth, then I would consider it.

I thought it would bring more balance to both of our lives.

The stars aligned and I found a part time job, was offered the position, and accepted when I found a pre-school that I know will help you learn and grow. It is called HoneyBees and I am so excited for you to start the program Ellie. We went to observe the class and you fell in love with it. You were so upset when we had to leave. :) Watching you interact with those kids; you joined right in with the singing, dancing and clapping.....I saw those tiny wings grow a little more, and I knew then we had made the right decision.

I start my new job in two weeks and I'm feeling mixed emotions. I'm excited, scared, nervous etc. I feel so grateful that I will still get two full days at home with you during the week, and the other days, you will be playing, interacting and learning, in a beautiful setting.

I'm so glad your wings are still tiny. I can't even imagine the day when they will be complete enough for you to fly....but for now I'm glad they are starting to grow, and so are mine.

It's not only children who grow. Parents do too. As much as we watch to see what our children do with their lives, they are watching us to see what we do with ours. I can't tell my children to reach for the sun. All I can do is reach for it, myself. ~Joyce Maynard

Family

There is nothing more important than family. I'm guessing you will disagree with me when you are around 13 or so, but I promise you, there isn't. Today was a pretty average Saturday. It was an earlier morning (around 6:15am) you woke up, ready to take on the world. Daddy got up with you (like he usually does) to watch your daddy/daughter morning cartoons together.

Side-note- You are one lucky girl to have such an amazing daddy, but I could write about that forever!

After showers, and some coffee we headed out for breakfast at the Daisy Cupcakery for breakfast. There were other babies sitting right by us, at breakfast, and you couldn't stop smiling and saying "hi" to them. You Miss Ellie, seem to light up any room that you are in, it's like an infectious hug that you send to anyone that comes in contact with you.

After saying bye to the new friends we made, we headed to Whole Foods for grocery shopping where (even though you just ate breakfast) were excited to try the samples at the grocery store. The rest of the day was spent with the three of us just playing, snuggling, watching Blue's Clues and eating a great dinner. Pretty average day from an onlooker, but as I sit here tonight, all I can do is smile at how much fun I had, just being your mom today. I know, so corney (you better get used to it) but I so appreciate the family I have and the blessings I have been given.

The family. We were a strange little band of characters trudging through life sharing diseases and toothpaste, coveting one another's desserts, hiding shampoo, borrowing money, locking each other out of our rooms, inflicting pain and kissing to heal it in the same instant, loving, laughing, defending, and trying to figure out the common thread that bound us all together.

-- Erma Bombeck

Scenery

I haven't posted for awhile because life has just been crazy!! In the last 30 days we have celebrated Christmas, bought a house, gone to the rose bowl, had two a day practices and went to Nationals. All that craziness then I sprain my back 3 days after being home. I have pretty much been confined to the house and the couch/bed for the last 4 days and will take around 2 weeks to heal. I have been somewhat down in the dumps about it, but yesterday I realized something. I think it took this injury for me to just slow down and appreciate what is going on around me.

Have you ever noticed grandparents fondly gazing at their families? They seem to take in every single second around them; absorbing the warmth around them. They appreciate the importance of every laugh, hug and smile from those around them. I felt like that grandparent yesterday. All I could do was sit back and watch what was going on around me....the "craziness" that I am usually trying to take care of; pets being fed, diapers being changed, laundry, cleaning etc. I watched your daddy taking care of all of that while you followed him around trying to help him. I realized how important even those little moments are and how important those day to day tasks are to keep the house running.

As I sat there like a grandparent taking in the scenery, I realized this whole back issue was a blessing in disguise...I needed to stop and watch the beautiful scenery to continue to appreciate it.

“We sit silently and watch the world around us. This has taken a lifetime to learn. It seems only the old are able to sit next to one another and not say anything and still feel content. The young, brash and impatient, must always break the silence. It is a waste, for silence is pure. Silence is holy. It draws people together because only those who are comfortable with each other can sit without speaking. This is the great paradox.” -Nicolas Sparks